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Pitch Wars Showcase

Please note: These are the entries for the Pitch Wars season beginning in 2021 and continuing through 2022. Please note that our Agent Showcase ends at 9:00 p.m. ET on Monday, February 14, 2022. Agents will not be able to leave comments requesting material after that time.
PW2021 YA #05: THESE GIRLS LIE (Thriller – Epilepsy #OwnVoices)
Rachel Rose
Mentored by:
Abigail Johnson
Book Title:
Young Adult
Thriller - Epilepsy #OwnVoices
Word Count:


Seventeen-year-old Ally is thrilled to spend her summer lifeguarding at the prestigious Camp Fireside—until her epilepsy labels her a liability and she's assigned a counselor position instead. When one of her campers disappears and she becomes a suspect, Ally digs for answers, revealing dark secrets lurking beneath the camp’s picture-perfect facade.



Childhood summers are supposed to be like magic. Late nights, lightning bugs in jars, laughing until it’s hard to breathe. Scary stories and s’mores and campfire smoke.

But it doesn’t last forever. That spark, that intoxicating magic, eventually flickers out.

Sometimes, it happens in the darkest ways possible.

That glow of excitement was alive and well when I stumbled upon Camp Fireside the summer before ninth grade, thanks to a stack of brochures at my local library urging parents to consider a premier summer camp experience for their kids. I snuck one home to plead my case.

“These could be my friends,” I told my mom, pointing at the grinning, glossy-faced campers. They posed in Lincoln Log-looking cabins, beside sky-high pines, floating on a deep blue lake.

She looked at me with big eyes. At the time, I interpreted her gaze as exasperated, but I can parse pity a little better now. You’re not going to a camp that costs two months of my salary, her pupils told me between blinks.

Instead, I spent that summer imagining the fun I’d have if I lived in a cabin instead of a tiny apartment. If I had bunk beds full of other girls to whisper to in the dark instead of an empty room. If I spent my days bonding over silly camp activities, not home alone in front of the TV.

It’s taken me four years, but I’m finally going to Camp Fireside, only to work, not play.

14 responses to “PW2021 YA #05: THESE GIRLS LIE (Thriller – Epilepsy #OwnVoices)”

  1. Sarah N. Fisk says:

    I can *deeply* identify with people discounting you due to a disability. I cannot wait to discover the secrets Ally uncovers. Please submit the query, synopsis and first three chapters here: https://querymanager.com/query/sarahnfisk/PitchWars

    If multiple agents at Tobias request your materials, please submit to the one you think would be the best fit.

  2. Masha Gunic says:

    I would love to see this! Please send me your query and full manuscript to masha@azantianlitagency.com with “Pitch Wars” in the subject line. If any other agents from ALA request this as well, please send to one of us at a time at your choice.

  3. Allison Remcheck says:

    Dear Rachel,

    This sounds really interesting. I’m an agent at Stimola Literary Studio, and I would love the chance to read. Please feel free to send it to me at:


    Please put PITCHWARS in the subject line and attach the full manuscript.

    I’m looking forward to it!

    Best wishes,


  4. Jordy Albert says:

    I would love to read more! Please follow submission guidelines here https://QueryManager.com/JordyAlbert

  5. Beth Phelan says:

    Intrigued! I’d love to read more.

    Please submit your query letter and the full manuscript at this link: QueryManager.com/querybeth/PitchWars. I’d appreciate it if you pasted your query letter as the first page of your manuscript (like a sort of cover sheet), so when I send it to my kindle, I’ll have both!

    If another agent at GZLA requests your work as well, feel free to submit to both of us, but let us know that the other has it too. 🙂

  6. Jennifer Weis says:

    This sounds really good and I would love to see it!
    Please send 3 chapters plus letter and synopsis if you can to
    Looking forward to reading…

  7. Hi Rachel. Congrats on PitchWars. I loved summer camp as a kid – I went every year – and have always thought that it was the perfect back-drop for a thriller. I can’t wait to see what secrets Ally uncovers and would love to read the full of your manuscript. Please us this link to upload your materials: QueryManager.com/1353/PW2022
    Talk soon,

  8. Jen Nadol says:

    Hi Rachel,
    Really enjoyed your sample & pitch and would love to read more. If you think we’d be a match, please send a query & first 50 pages as a Word attachment to jen.nadol@theunteragency.com

  9. Andrea Somberg says:

    I enjoyed these opening pages and would love to take a look at the manuscript if you’d care to send it along! Word document to Andrea[at]harveyklinger.com would be great, with PitchWars Requested Manuscript in the subject line. Thanks! -Andrea Somberg/ Harvey Klinger Inc./ http://www.andreasomberg.com/ http://www.harveyklinger.com

  10. Peter Knapp says:

    This sounds great! I would love to read more. Can you please send the full manuscript attached as a Word document to queries@parkfine.com with “Pete Knapp – Pitch Wars – YA” in the subject of your email? Please include the query letter at the start of your Word document, and if available please also send a short synopsis (but no worries if not readily available). Thanks! I look forward to reading.

    Pete Knapp / Park & Fine Literary and Media

  11. Tamar Rydzinski says:

    Hi Rachel,

    This sounds fantastic! I would love to read your manuscript. Please send to querytamar@contextlit.com, making sure to write Pitch Wars Request in the subject line.



  12. Caitlin White says:

    Hi Rachel! I’m Caitlin from Emerald City Literary Agency and I JUST tweeted that I’ve been looking for a YA story that has teens who work, specifically mentioning camp counselors and lifeguards. But you went above and beyond by adding thriller/mystery and summery elements — which I also adore!! I would be thrilled to see your query and full manuscript, so if you’re interested you can submit here: https://querymanager.com/query/caitlinwhite/PitchWars

    If more than one ECLA agent comments, please feel free to send to any or all, and if more than one of us falls in love, we can work that out on our end! Thank you and congratulations! – Caitlin (@caitforestell)

  13. Analieze Cervantes says:

    Hi Rachel!

    I’m digging your pitch/excerpt and would love to request the query, synopsis, and the first 3 chapters of your manuscript!

    Submit here: QueryManager.com/AnaliezeCervantes/PitchWars

    Can’t wait to see this in my box soon! Have a great day!

    Analieze Cervantes

    Literary Agent
    Harvey Klinger Literary Agenc

  14. Karly Dizon says:

    Absolutely love the idea behind your work. Can you please send me your first 10 pages to the following: