40-year-old Summer Hart’s MomSquad has one objective: find her an impressive date to her ex-husband’s wedding. The handsome horse veterinarian meets all their strict qualifications. But running into her still-smokin’ hot college flame (who doesn’t meet the aforementioned qualifications) forces Summer to decide if she’ll keep living by everyone else’s expectations, or finally stand up for who she really is.
The dripping humidity suffocates me like one of those hot, steaming towels rich people get served with tongs on a first-class flight, except zero percent enjoyable. I wipe the sweat from my forehead then onto my third-favorite pair of yoga pants as I trudge down Mom and her husband’s freakishly long driveway to the kindergarten bus stop, questioning all my life choices. Like why am I living with my mother at age forty? Why in the actual hell do I live in Ohio?
And as I’m passing by it, why’d I claim the mom-mobile (read: minivan) in the divorce while my ex got the newer, smaller car? I kinda regret that decision.
I kinda regret marrying him.
He was in such a rush to start a life with my ex-friend – which is just tragically cliché – he didn’t bother fighting me during the divorce. Too bad. Screaming might’ve been therapeutic.
My chest tightens. There should be a warning somewhere: excess caffeine and thoughts about ex-husbands lead to chest pain. I should cut down on both.
At the end of the driveway, I swipe over to Twitter to read what I’d drafted earlier. Yup. Accurately depicts my current mood. I click the blue Tweet button.
Summertime · @DefinitelyDivorced · Aug 23
Oops, forgot to send the Ex-Husband and Ex-Friend a Congratulations on Your Engagement card. Can I find one that says Fuck You and Your Stupid Wedding instead?